I GET MY CAKE AND I EAT IT

THE CULT CAN EAT MY BUSH!

So, yeah.  I am NOT SOBER.  One of the reasons I FAILED in THE CULT is because I NEVER WANTED TO BE SOBER.  SOBRIETY IS BORING TO ME.  I just wanted the fucking jackpots to STOP.  The only way that was gonna happen for me was to get REAL.

INTERVENTION, YA LOST ME AT REHAB

In the years I died a slow death in Alcoholics Anonymous (THE CULT), I went to more treatment centers than I can number.  Typically, I would go to the Emergency Room where I was referred to whatever place had an open bed.

Sometimes, I'd find myself too caught up in POWERLESSNESS to deal,  so I'd ask friends, boyfriends, girlfriends and my mother to go to bat for me.  Misinformed for YEARS, we were told I must get treatment immediately for surely I'd end up in jail or dead in a ditch some where.

Desperate in our ignorance, I checked into the nuthouse over and over. 

No Shit, Sherlock

One of my dearest friends who lives in the Bay Area got married in May of this year.  He invited me up to his home to attend his wedding and house sit during the honeymoon. I love weddings, so I was thrilled to be invited and I looked forward to spending some time in a part of California I'd never seen before.

So What if I Smoke Weed???

I've been in and out of the halls of various rehabs and 12-step programs since my mom forced me into the first one at the ripe age of seventeen.  I had already been partying for three years, which began when I was finally hired at a posh inn located right on the water in the small New England town where I lived.  I still remember the way I haunted the managers once a week for two summers because I really wanted to work there.  Finally, in a somewhat exasperated voice, a woman on the other end of the phone line said "oh, just come in on Sunday evening."

(OB Rach Import) Yeah, Crack Will Make You Do.......

So I show up at my friend's house; a guy I met at work.  He is an attractive mixed kid, about the same age as me.  We are meeting his friend, who will supply the drugs and a place to party.

When I enter the kitchen, I am expecting to see lines laid out on a mirror, or something.  At fifteen, I had just begun to experiment with cocaine.  Snorting it was the only way I had done it so far.  I was surprised when we found the owner of the place standing over a stove with a spoon in his hand.  The air smelled kinda weird, like plastic, or something.

(OB Rach Import) Crack is Whack

Yup.  A white girl from the burbs was totally hooked on crack; usually it's mistakenly thought to be a hood drug.  Here I talk about all things gritty, including addiction, sex and feelings. This ain't no James Frey "embellished" shit, either.  Warning:  may not be suitable for the faint of heart.

Let me just say, these posts are not about what is great about cocaine or crack for that matter.  This category is about some of my experiences while I was addicted to drugs.  My stories are in no way glamorous or exciting.  If you are in any way attracted to my former lifestyle, or are currently entrenched in it, I strongly suggest you talk to someone who can help you right away.

Okay, now that I got that off my chest. I'm trying to remember exactly when the first time I ever smoked cocaine was.  I am pretty sure it was when I was 15 years old.  Of course, knowing me, it may have been earlier, but this is my first memory.

My mom had gone away for three days on a trip to the Bahamas.  She won a spiff for her outstanding performance in sales that month.  Her plan was for me to stay with two adult friends of hers for the week, but I concocted a story to her friends about my mother saying okay at the last minute to me staying with a girlfriend for the week instead.  I even had the intrepidity to have my mother's friend give me a ride to the house I said I would be staying at.  It was not my girlfriend's.

The appeal of such a frightening drug is pretty transparent, really.  Crack is to cocaine what hash is to pot: it is a concentration of the drug with all of the cut removed.  People love to insist  that crack is some chemical infested man made creation.  It is not.  The only ingredients required to make crack are water, baking soda, and cocaine.  Also, the cook needs an ability to measure these things properly, which I do not have.  I couldn't pretend to be able to count the amount of money I have wasted on dope that I screwed up by trying to cook it by myself late at night in the middle of a binge.

Anyway.  The point I'm trying to make is that if you have tried cocaine in its powder form, then you know the over-all euphoria this drug will create.  Now, imagine that high ten times stronger and much more immediate.  That is what happens when you smoke crack.  It is like a punch in the chest and in the head at the same time, only without any pain involved.  When you exhale the smoke, every single pleasurable sensation is activated and it is hard to turn away from once you have tried it.  Especially if you are someone like me, and you really want the bad feelings to go away.  This is why this drug is so addictive.  It really is the best high I have ever tried and I am incredibly grateful to say it has been about four years since I sucked the devil's dick, and I hope to God that I will never go back to it.

If you are interested to read more of my experiences on crack click here