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Boston, MA, United States
I don’t need an introduction.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


It was you and me against the world. Now it's just ME.
What's Shakin' Peeps?

Well, I am finally gonna write that post. The one where I say I've been through too much, do much of anything, let alone write.

Tolstoy's death has really thrown me over the edge of devastation that I used to be able to put aside or, at the very least, bury under my constant ability to get shit done.

Without him, the feelings I once abused substances to deal with, have become an unmanageable volcano of emotion that feels like searing lava erupting from the core of my being.

Nothing in my life has ever hurt as much the loss of my constant companion. My angel pug offered all the love I've ever needed and remained by my side, no matter what, even when everyone walked away from me

Tolstoy stayed happily, until he couldn't.

His presence made it possible for me to ignore the crippling loneliness that consumes a person like me, who grew up without love or the community so many people take for granted.

Now that he's gone, I am overcome by a sadness I've never experienced, even in my darkest days.

My heart is shattered in a zillion tiny pieces, as is my mind, body and soul. 

Like a mirror dropped from a skyscraper roof, the shards of me are spread far into the horizon, while my aching, exposed soul remains, alone.

I'm lost, stuck on cold, hard concrete, unable to move.

The past twenty months have been positively HORRID. 

The two things that got me through it all were my ability to hold onto hope that I would get back to this blog, my purpose and life as I knew it before my "mother" took the opportunity to destroy me and my precious, Tolstoy.

Now that I've lost my one true love, that feeling is gone.

And, I don't know when or if I'll ever get it back.

All I can say is that I'll try.

In the meantime, I want you to know that I finally got my shit together enough to stand on my own two feet, as much as I can, with the issues I have to deal with.

I'm back in California, where I want to re-start the re-start of the re-start to my start-over.

It's gonna take some time, my friends.

I'll see ya when I see ya.

Until Then,

DeConstrucor's Comment In Response to LETTER TO MY "FRIENDS" IN AA (page above)

"Brav fucking O.....Standing O fucking Vation. Or perhaps the Charlie Daniels quote from the Geico commercial of "thats how you do it son"

That was incredible.

Reminded me a little of "the letter" at the end of the Breakfast Club (perhaps the greatest movie ever)

Keep it up, dont be afraid to kick them in the teeth once in a while.

Always remember that its the misfits, the rebels, and the troublemakers that are the ones that change the world."

He post the following video at the end of his comment.

Thank you, my friend.
I am both Flattered and HONORED.

*This Video is here to support Decon's Words, not OBAMA (or any politician for that matter, since I've never been allowed to vote) Sincerely, Go-Go Rach.