Hi Friends!
How are yous?
Things with me are exceptional! I'm loving my new place, life and the feeling that I'm am back on track for what I want to do in life, which is to be a published writer, filmmaker, activist and, the ultimate destroyer of THE CULT!
I'm working on a couple business projects, too, which I will discuss in the coming months.
My Dream Check Friday (DSF) post would have covered these things in detail. I made a great video for you guys; however it needs to be edited. Look for it next week.
I plan to post videos every week for DCF!
Aren't you stoked?
I know how much you've missed me!
Boy, I've sure missed yous!
Go-Go Rach is back, better than ever!
My load is much lighter now.
Starting over is hard, but it comes with quite a few benefits that I have just begun to see.
First, my material load is lighter, which is sort of a relief, since I've been leaning toward a minimalist lifestyle for a while. It's kinda cool to begin anew, with new stuff, minus my past EVERYTHING! :)
Second, my emotional load has lightened, which is ironic.
Less stuff has given me less to worry about. This provided a lovely shift in my perspective! Losing it all has forced me to learn to LET GO, which I've never been good at, in case you haven't noticed! ; D
The difference between what I need and want is crystal clear.
I NEED the basics (food, shelter, clothing).
I NEED Tolstoy and I to be safe.
We need to be together in a place where I can count on MYSELF to take care of us!
FUCK EVERYTHING ELSE!
I know who I AM.
I know WHAT I WANT.
I HAVE A PLAN.
Now that I have the BASICS, I know I will get there!
I've changed, dolls.
Look for some major examples of how much I've changed right here.
Less rage.
Fewer capitals.
I am working on a new design for my blog to reflect a kinder, softer Rach, as well as my new attitude.
I'm over being pissed.
I'm over being FOOLISH.
And, I finally came to the conclusion that it is STUPID for me to try to build another site, since I already have this powerhouse!
Instead, I will work on a two part site, one dedicated to my goals, the other dedicated to my CAUSE.
One day at a time...
Along with a much lighter material load, less anger and living in a place full of nice people, as opposed to VIPERS, I've decided it's high time that I settle down.
Sleeping around was fun, while I had no faith in human beings, particularly MEN. Now that I've been beaten into submission to soften up, my priorities have changed.
I WANT LOVE, compassion and more than just a fuck.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE TO GET LAID - I shall, while I look for Mr. Right; however, finding him will be my focus, versus mind-blowing sex.
Healthy, fulfilling relationships are brand new to me.
I need help because I suck at this sort of thing.
Since I'm just learning about this kind of stuff, I was wondering if you all may be willing to help me out?
I assume you will, if you can, since you've carried me through the darkest period of my entire life (thanks a gazillion million, btw)!
I have an idea.
What if I do a series on Saturday posts about my search for love?
Most of the relationships I've seen or been in have been based on bullshit, or totally unhealthy. I'm thinking I'll post stories about my dating experience as I look, with questions for YOUS, when I have them.
What do you think about this?
Do ya mind helping me find LOVE?
I guess I ought to fill you guys in about my history, which I hope will help with this major favor I'm asking for. Fair enough?
*AWESOME*
At fifteen, I lost my virginity with another virgin. That did not go so well, but he and I are good friends today. Yep, you guessed it, he found me on the Facebook!
Our early experience was so horrid for me that I refused to go all the way with my next boyfriend, until we'd been together for quite some time.
My first real boyfriend was good looking, smart, responsible and basically amazing (still is, by the way!)!
Cuntessa killed the relationship when she called the police on him for statutory rape, then reported it to the restaurant we worked at together and dragged me to New Bedford, Massachusetts, then Spencer, which is on the other side of the state, to keep us apart.
Essentially, I lost my job, friends and my wonderful boyfriend all at the same time.
Some things will never change!
The next few years with men are a total blur because I was completely wasted until I turned eighteen. The one thing I do recall is that I had a lot of sex, but I hated every second of it because I was only doing it for the dude or to get high (sorry guys).
I was a faker, who would do and say whatever I had to do, to get a boy to like me. Sex didn't work, yet I did it over and over. I just didn't know any better.
My second rehab at eighteen happened, where I was taken advantage of by THE CULT predator that I speak of in this post. I went to prison, confused about my sexuality, then came out and threw myself into the gay, CULT community.
It was a blast! I had a bunch of hot girlfriends and would get dick on the side, when I wanted it.
I thought I was a lesbian for twelve years!
Although I was celibate in prison, I met a woman whom I fell deeply in love with, about a year after my release. We moved in together and I spent the next two years of my life with the expectation that it would be forever.
Thanks to my brainwashing, I royally fucked it up.
Our relationship ended, badly, after I relapsed on cocaine, with five years "sobriety." I was on track for what I learned in the halls. I couldn't help myself, which is just fine by me. We were more like roommates than lovers, which seems to happen a lot in same sex relationships.
In college, I met the son of one of the geniuses involved in the invention of the Internet. His family where Israeli billionaires. The parents sent me to their country to meet the grandmother, with the expectation we'd marry.
They were ready and willing to accept a gentile as their daughter in law, but had no idea I was using him for money. He was nice enough, yet he spent most of his time whining about how his dad was too busy to take him to baseball games. I grew to loathe him, as is sure to happen to anyone in that situation.
I'll be forever grateful for the trip to Israel, as well as to him for getting me off my Budweiser and swag, with his taste for good beer and medical grade chronic buds.
He and his family introduced me to the finer things in life, which made all the difference in my world
My lesbian phase ended at the age of thirty, when I met a cute boy (23) while I was stuck in traffic, on my way home to the "rich" dyke I married for what appeared to be the easy life, until she morphed into a psycho, addicted to Valium, booze and compulsive sex.
We hear all the time about how chicks go gay because of men treating them badly, or whatever. This chick turned me straight. Hers was the last pussy I licked.
The only way I'd do it again is to add spice to hetero-sex.
Only time will tell!.
The boy's heart was stomped on when I got a D.W.I. and made the mistake of running back to the dyke for financial help for attorney's fees, etc., that I never needed. I gave up a great relationship with a hottie who was the spitting image of Marshall Mathers and the perfect match for me.
I was buried in THE CULT, confused and just trying to survive, man.
I'll always miss that cutie pie, who went on to meet the love of his life. I wish him nothing but the best. xoxo
My move to Vegas was the death of my love life, aside from a few fuck buddies, which were great. The reason I settled on sex, without love, is simple.
You see, I believe men are all after the same thing, but there is a huge difference between how it's done on each coast. There are an abundance of easy girls out west who are fine with the standard line for a date:
"Wanna come to my house to watch a movie?"
Translation: Can I get in your pants, without any effort?
My friend, Marna covers the subject of West Coast dating very well on her blog, you ought to check her out. She is hysterical!
Too many women say yes to this, so it makes it pretty hard to find a boyfriend. I went with it because I resigned myself to the idea that men suck, love doesn't exist and I NEED TO GET LAID because I truly have magic in between my legs. When I found my cummer, I was blown away!
Seriously!
*Ahem*
At thirty four, my body became a miraculous sex machine! I wrote a little about it here.
Sherlock fucked it up for a while, but I'm back to my old self again.
*happy dance!*
My love life has been so not stellar, my friends.
It's rather sad.
The only thing I can say is that it's hard to find the "right" person, when you don't know yourself. THE CULT made that impossible. Now that I know myself, I'm ready to find "LOVE."
I hope you're willing to help a sista out!
*I appreciate yous.*
Onward.
Okay, I did have a date this week, but it was horrible.
My first date in North Carolina was so bad, that I wouldn't be able to be nice or compassionate about it, so I am gonna ask you all to wait until my next date for a story.
Here's a blow-by-blow, just so future dates know what NOT TO DO, if you want a girl like me!
Fingers crossed, my next date will be better than the last one!
He was a big kid, who wants what he wants, when he wants it, which included horrendous driving that continued through my progressively loud demands that he stop scaring the shit out of me with his riskiness. (*I HATE THAT!* ), substance abuse after dinner at my place, where we were gonna just watch a movie.
I drive like an old lady, people.
I've had nightmares since I was a kid that I will die in a car wreck.
*I appreciate SAFE drivers, thank you in advance for your cooperation!*
He insisted we eat a restaurant that had good where I wasn't permitted to smoke.
*NO BUENO!*
Since he thought it was "really bad" that I couldn't wait to smoke until after dinner, we stayed, even when I said I would rather go somewhere more Go-Go Rach friendly!
Look, I smoke.
I'm not gonna stop any time soon.
I don't like leaving my eating partner at the table while I do it.
Does that make sense?
When I asked him to stop at a drug store on the way home from the restaurant, so I could buy something I need for my sinuses, which are reacting badly to excessive pollen here, he made it clear that he was put out! I had to insist that he help me because I do not have a car.
While he was in the store, he bought beer he likes, with the "hope" I'd like it (please ASK ME). After more bad driving, he smoked too much pot at my house, which made me cringe. I do not believe there is any reason ever to smoke an entire joint of chronic grade marijuana!
He smoked several!
It me hurt to witness.
Finally, and worst of all, is that he continued to try to have sex with me, even when I said NO, which we talked about several times on the phone, prior to our date.
He said he wouldn't make the first move. He said he likes to wait for the girl to give him the green light. He said he wasn't like that.
He SHOWED me he is full of shit, while my NO became progressively stronger. I ought not to have brought him into my house. Point taken!
When I reminded him of his WORDS, he tried to excuse his constant pawing with a new one on me:
"I had no idea you are THIS HOT (CONFIDENCE IS SEXY)!"
Really?
Do my looks mean that I have to get it on with anyone who wants to?
Even though I look like a real-life barbie, I am NOT A TOY!
Okay?
*DOH*
Needless to say, I was ready to be ALONE, but he had to sleep on my couch because he over-did-it.
*NOT COOL!*
I believe in and expect my men to be responsible with substances.
Wasted people annoy the hell out of me.
*YEAH, REALLY!*
When I woke up in the morning to find him with his penis out, with the expectation that we'd get it on, I was fed up.
This grew to annoyance when he tried to get me to rub his shoulder that he injured six weeks ago; however still hurts because he won't exercise it.
I happen to know a few things about body maintenance.
I've had several surgeries, including a second A.C.L replacement (from compulsive exercise torture during my late teens). I rode my bike fourteen miles to my doctor's office for my first follow up appointment two weeks later. I did the WORK.
Needless to say, his ploy for sympathy fell on deaf ears.
When I expressed that I feel it's not a love match, he got all butt hurt, then stormed out of here, like a five year old. He was so mad that he did not even say a proper good-bye!
The experience left me with sadness because I was hoping we'd be friends.
Truth be told, he would have been perfect for me five years ago!
And, he is a nice guy, just not "Mr. Right."
We talked on the phone later that day, which made me feel better, since we worked it out.
He's fun and has a hot bod, so we may have some NSA sex one of these days. We plan to hang out again. I'll pay for myself, since we my be friends with benefits, hang out in town, with NO DRIVING. He lost my trust in his ability to keep me feeling safe.
He was just as turned off by me because he said I am HIGH MAINTENANCE.
*shrugs*
I am not right for him, either!
All's well that ends well!
*tee-hee!*
Heads up, guys. I am a high maintenance chick who expects her full time man to be willing to do whatever is necessary to make me feel *SPECIAL!*
*GET ME?*
So, there ya have it.
For those of you who are curious about why I want a relationship, I'll explain.
Six months on the street ripped me to shreds. Frankly, I am not strong enough to handle multiple partners or loveless relationships where I have no idea when I'll see someone.
Nope.
Consistency, history and all of the things that come with a committed, long term relationship is exactly what I need in my life, since I've bounced around enough!
ALL I NEED IS LOVE!
'Till Next Time,
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Why not pre-order your copy of my ebook, "VIPERIZE ME," while you're here? You'll save ten bucks! xoxo
