|Go-Go Rach, Age 5, First Day At School|
I just want to let you know that I removed every single post that says anything negative about you from my blog. I am so sorry for all of the bad stuff I ever said, thought and wrote about you in the past. I was just really, really so stupid.
Please forgive me for not doing it sooner, I thought I would be able to use those posts as an example of how screwed up I was, but I am ashamed of myself for writing them in the first place. I just really, really believed my mom for so long. I wish I could take it all back.
I am truly sorry for everything.
My Darling Rachel,
You did not have to take down your posts, it's how you felt at the time..................what you are missing is, no matter what you have said, I am your Dad, you are my child, it is not a bad thing for you to hate me from time to time. I am not perfect. I make mistakes, we all do.
The one thing you must remember, and this is forever, is that I will always love you. I missed you and your brother for years. Now you're in my life. I hope it lasts forever, but things happen.
It's OK for you to get upset with me. I may feel bad, but the bottom line is no matter how bad I feel, I will always be the constant who loves you. You are my blood. My only daughter and, the one I've loved since the day you were born.
Your mom wanted to be the one who was right. I don't think she meant to make your life the way it was, but a 165 IQ, does not street smarts make. She did what she did to hurt me, not you. You and your brother are just collateral damage.
I'm sorry for that. Ray, I've done a lot in my life, but the most important thing to me, always, has been you and your brother. You guys are my treasure and all I ever wanted in my life.
It sucks ass to wake up one day to find out everything you were taught to believe about people, places and things was a flat out lie. My Mom lied to me, Alcoholics Anonymous lied to me, I LIED TO ME. I've missed out on more than seems fair.
I decided to leave the posts I was referring to because they are a clear example of what not to tell your kids about their Dad (or mom - whatever the case may be).
My Dad has been here for me more times than I could ever count, yet I still believed what my mom told me, until she tossed me into the street like a piece of trash. The truth is pretty hard to deny, once someone does you that way.
WHAT ABOUT MY DAD?
I was fucking ROBBED.
'Till Next Time,
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