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Boston, MA, United States

Sunday, August 14, 2011


All I can do is LAUGH at the insidiousness of it all.
I just want to write a short post to let you all know that things are turning around for me. I know my post yesterday was depressing and sad. I'm sorry if you are worried or if you are disgusted by my inability to "take responsibility for myself." I have been victimized. I write about it. I'll eventually work through it, I promise!

One thing I will never understand about predominant ideology is why it's so awful to acknowledge and grieve the loss and pain involved in getting hurt. Why do people attack victims, with the expectation that a person ought to be able to snap right back to productivity?

Sometimes, especially in my own case, that is HARD TO DO. I have had the shit kicked out of me, while I spent my life in a program that STOLE my ability to take responsibility for myself with a bunch of LIES.

POWERLESSNESS is the ultimate escape of personal responsibility! I've taken my POWER back, but like a new gadget, it's gonna take some time to learn how to use.

For those of you who want to blame my "disease" it sucks to be you. I've morphed into a "normie" who is too broke to do anything, let alone drink! Don't get me wrong, I've definitely indulged over the past six months.

I'm still amazed at how I don't want to abuse myself with substances anymore. I've come to realize THE CULT LIED to me, then stole my choices about EVERYTHING!

Now that I get the fact that I was brainwashed to believe drugs and alcohol where all I wanted and needed in THE CULT, they are the farthest thing from my mind! I've got more important things to do or spend my money on! Like, for example, MAKE-UP! *tee-hee*

It's called FREEDOM, you ought to try it, you'll probably like it! I know I DO!

Don't forget, I aim to make change. In the meantime, I'll continue on in my role as THE POSTMODERN JOB. I am willing to lose EVERYTHING in preparation for what I am born to do! I'm committed to a cause. It's important and worth everything I've gone through. Believe it. I'm not going anywhere.


One thing is certain, I need to find a therapist to work out my demons. I've changed a lot over the past few months, which I will write about in the upcoming months. I'm going to write about some major changes in my feelings about romantic relationships on Tuesday. I hope you'll stop by then.

I appreciate all of you for believing in me and sticking around long enough to see the "miracle" happen!

At this point, it almost feels like I will need a miracle, but I continue to stay strong, no matter what. I know I will prevail. I'm no longer homeless, living in a place where I can get help with my issues and I've already found a job to support myself. I'll be working on some freelance gigs and I've begun another project that will bring income my way.

I'll post updates on Dream Check Friday.

Now that I am getting settled, my rants ought to shine a more positive light.

I'm a writer, folks. It's what I do. Life is not always roses and butterflies. I am not afraid to share my disasters with you. I'm living my story, which is sure to have a happy ending - at least we all hope!

This blog is where I spew, rant and rave about life, as I continue to recover from my supposed recovery in THE CULT.

It's a process.

I'm still alive.

It's hard to come to grips with starting over, but I am grateful for the lightness of my load, I swear. Tolstoy and I are safe and I am thrilled, beyond belief, to be out of LOST WAGES!

Writing is what keeps me out of the nuthouse. I ain't afraid to let it all hang out!


So, what's up friends?

Talk to me! xoxo

P.S. I went to a thrift store and picked up a couple pairs of shoes! *happy dance!*

'Till Next Time,

DeConstrucor's Comment In Response to LETTER TO MY "FRIENDS" IN AA (page above)

"Brav fucking O.....Standing O fucking Vation. Or perhaps the Charlie Daniels quote from the Geico commercial of "thats how you do it son"

That was incredible.

Reminded me a little of "the letter" at the end of the Breakfast Club (perhaps the greatest movie ever)

Keep it up, dont be afraid to kick them in the teeth once in a while.

Always remember that its the misfits, the rebels, and the troublemakers that are the ones that change the world."

He post the following video at the end of his comment.

Thank you, my friend.
I am both Flattered and HONORED.

*This Video is here to support Decon's Words, not OBAMA (or any politician for that matter, since I've never been allowed to vote) Sincerely, Go-Go Rach.