So yeah, a lot of my posts are full of SNARK, which stems from my anger over the institution I've come to call THE CULT. My site was created as a place for me to write about the fucked up shit that happened to me in Alcoholics Anonymous.
I had no idea people would read my spews, or notice my little corner of the web. I just wanted to get it out of me. I figured it would be a good distraction from the pain I've been inflicted with over the years.
I was right.
Every time I write a post, the hurt of what I've been through dissipates. It's amazing. I had no hope of healing from the shitty way I felt. I had learned to live with it. Writing has freed me from the dark place that controlled my existence. I have a passion for this blog that I never knew I possessed. I have found my TRUE LOVE, right here.
I'm LIVING THE DREAM, baybeh.
The work I've put into this project, people I've met, and the understanding of MY PURPOSE has affected my life in ways I could never have expected or hoped for while I was in THE CULT.
My focus is CRYSTAL CLEAR. I'm involved in a community that is rich with personalities and wonderful folks who where down just like me. We are banding together to make CHANGE. We are on the wave of a REVOLUTION. I am PROUD to be a FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH.
This all started WITH ANGER.
As I've talked about before, THE CULT discourages ANGER. It is considered "...the dubious luxury of normal men" (A.A. Bible, Err, ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS Big Book p. 87). When I was trapped in there by my own ignorance and brainwashing, I thought there was something wrong with me because I WAS FURIOUS the entire time I was in the rooms.
What is Anger?
Anger is an EMOTION. The physical effects of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of harm. (http://wikipedia.org/wiki/Anger).
MOST IMPORTANT AND the explanation for egomaniac, CULT CREATOR, Bill Wilson's discouragement of this very REAL, naturally occurring AND healthy emotion:
Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically when a person makes the conscious choice to take action to immediately stop the threatening behavior of another outside force (http://wikipedia.org/wiki/Anger).
WHY WAS I FURIOUS?
*Doh* I was pissed off at the lackluster life I was living, the lame bitches who I had to go to for advice, bored to death with the same assholes talking about the same shit, day in and day out. I hated the feeling of being molested by fellow members who constantly tried to get in my pants.
Mostly, I hated the feeling that I would never get sober in the halls of Alcoholics Anonymous and that I was not allowed to experience MY OWN LIFE.
Finally, it truly frosted my ass that I did not FIT IN. I was the crazy one, who questioned everything and everyone, since it JUST NEVER SIT WELL WITH ME and I knew I WAS BEING HARMED.
When I left Alcoholics Anonymous in the dust, I realized I DON'T WANT TO fit into that disgusting excuse for treatment because I am TOO SMART and too valuable to be wasting my time hanging out with a bunch of LOSERS who are convinced that A.A. is the only way to stop drinking yourself to death. It's NOT.
There are several other programs available, if you want to try another one. I have no interest in any of that sort of thing because I'd rather spend my time writing my book, working, painting, traveling, attending work-shops about writing and film making, etc. I need my family, friends, goals, thoughts, feelings, talent, and the ability to make my own decisions to BE WELL.
Surprise, surprise, I figured all of this out as soon as I WALKED OUT THE DOOR OF THE CULT. Powerless, MY ASS!
Embracing my anger has given me the power to touch other people's lives in a way that I would never imagined I'd be able to. Fellow victims of THE CULT are coming here in droves, reading my posts, WAKING UP TO THE LIES. Just like I did.
Every single time I get an email or a comment from someone who has an "aha moment" on my blog, I give myself A BIG FAT ATTA GIRL. I believe this is why I was placed on this earth.
I bow before NO ONE.
If you are new here, I want you to know, you *rule* for taking the time to learn about me and a very serious epidemic. I Thank you, and my community thanks you.
If you are a frustrated member of THE CULT, I'm here to let you know that you do not HAVE to stay there. Please let everyone else in on THE TRUTH, too. You CAN LEAVE. *blink* Yeah, I know. I was completely blown away myself.
All you gotta do is grab your backbone and walk out the door.
At the very least, do yourself a favor and take a break from the addict bashing long enough to find your own thoughts about EVERYTHING, especially how you want to remember YOUR LIFE. Ask yourself what's wrong? Why do I want to hurt myself with substances? I encourage you to spend time with yourself, your family, your friends.
You will be surprised at how quickly the answers will come if you really listen to yourself.
Do you want to be POWERLESS?
Or do you want to LIVE FREE?
Some people need to be told what to do, think and feel to be productive. I DON'T. What about you?
If you are anything like me, or my friends, I am telling you everything is just fine. Powerlessness is a FEELING not a FACT. I'm here for you. So are a million other people who have felt the same way you do now.
Take some time to find yourself WITHOUT the labels and DOGMA. A great place to start is http://theorangepapers.com (STINKIN THINKERS UNITE!) *YOU CAN DO IT!*
With nearly twelve thousand hits in less than one quarter, I'm confronted with the question again, WHY SO SNARKY?
Snark is the obvious consequence of my ANGER. This is what we're talking about, really. Isn't it about how ANGRY I seem to be? I'm sure you all imagine me locked away in my office, flustered out of my mind as I write my amazing and SHOCKING POSTS about people and events that SUCK.
Keep on doing what you're doing, thinking what your thinking, while I am over here, LIVING AND ENJOYING MY LIFE.
When you ask WHY SNARK? What you are really asking is WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY? It's okay, you're talking to me. Go-Go Rach. I won't crumble under the question of my sensibilities. Not to worry.
Well, I'll tell ya, AGAIN.
Here is the short answer: BECAUSE I CAN BE. I'm a bitch. SO WHAT?
Additionally, I was under the impression that I was A WEAK SUCK PUKE who had to be told what to do because, *sniff*, I wasn't capable of making my own decisions, since I WAS convinced (through brainwashing) that I am POWERLESS over my desire to get high, people places and things.
Ahem. I spent twenty one years trying to make a life that was based ON A LIE, while I was attacked, brutalized, and led down a pathetic path of NOTHINGNESS.
How would you feel?
Yep. I'm angry about what happened to me IN THE CULT. And I am ANGRY that it happens to other people. Most of ALL, I am ANGRY that society buys into it and people are being kidnapped and forced to go to a place that KILLS by the courts, families, and friends who have been sucked into the whole load of crap delivered by ASS HOLES who just don't get it.
The Twelve Steps are A LIE that have destroyed millions of people, figuratively and literally. This thing is so pervasive that it has permeated society's ability to THINK clearly and rationally. Weakness bleeds. Everywhere. It has become the go-to excuse for every compulsion, obsession, and pleasure. It is the ultimate path for irresponsible victims of free will.
It's time to GROW UP and start taking responsibility for ourselves and our actions.
YA DIG?
You will never be able to if you still subscribe to THE CULT, since it takes ANGER to get it, and ANGER to get out of it. When I was in THE CULT, I stuffed my anger with food. Now I use that powerful emotion to motivate people to CHANGE THEIR MINDS and GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE!
Anger instigates change, protection, flight, and A NEW BEGINNING FOR ME and all the others who have been abused by THE CULT. Grab hold of it. Anger is a lifeline.
Last, but not least, let's cover exactly what makes me ANGRY, so we are clear:
I hate to be lied to. I hate phony fucking people, and I hate that LIFE IS SO FUCKING SHORT.
So I won't be wasting any time apologizing or holding my tongue BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO. If you don't like me, OH FUCKING WELL.
How do you like them apples?
