NOW IT'S JUST ME.

It was you and me against the world. Now it's just ME.

  
What's Shakin' Peeps?

Well, I am finally gonna write that post. The one where I say I've been through too much to...um, do much of anything, let alone write.

GRIEF, LOSS AND THE AGONY I FEEL FOR THE TRAGIC DEATH OF MY ONE TRUE LOVE - TOLSTOY EARNED HIS WINGS

My Angel, just a few months before we came to ASSVILLE.
May You Rest In Peace, Always and Forever xoxo
8/15/00 -8/9/12

My darling. Tolstoy, I am so sad that you are gone, but feel a strng sense of relief that you no longer have to suffer through the devastation that continues to consume my life.

DREAM CHECK FRIDAY, JULY 20, 2012

Hello Fellow Dreamers! How have you been?

Things with me are, well, HECTIC!

THAT'S ALL.

READ: FLAMING FUCK OFF

*sigh*

I found out from a mutual Facebook friend that my brother spent two weeks at my "mother's" home in Las Vegas, where they, apparently, got rid of my stuff.

This came just about a month, after my brother swore everything I left behind was still neatly packed, ready to go, whenever I'd be able to get it.

Which, would have been within the next month, since I am getting a boat load of cash before my birthday.

A BATTLEFIELD IS NO PLACE FOR CHILDREN! (UPDATED 9/17)

We'll Be Okay, Tolstoy. xoxo

I am an orphan with no family and no sense of community at all because I grew up believing that every one of my family members abandoned me because they suck.

That was my mother's version of the truth.

She passed it on to me at an early age. I wore her words with honor, as I defended her to anyone who had the nerve to say anything bad about the only family member I was ever allowed to know.

MUST BE NICE!

ME GIVING CUNTESSA THE FINGER FROM THE CAR/LIFE SHE STOLE FROM ME.
YOU HATE ME BECAUSE YOU WISH YOU COULD BE ME, FEEL THREATENED BY ME AND YOU HATE YOURSELF, WITH GOOD REASON.
 YOUR DEATH WILL BE THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE, FOR I WILL FINALLY BE FREE FROM THE UTTER DISGRACE THAT IS YOU.
LET IT BE SOON.
GOOD RIDDANCE YOU HATEFUL, MALICIOUS CUNT.

My mother was in the Marines for SIX MONTHS in her late teens. About thirteen years ago, when she was destitute, broke and sleeping on someone's couch, she got wind of the fact that she MAY be eligible for Veteran's benefits.

More than thirty years after she was discharged, early, for "acting up," she concocted a story that she was RAPED in the service, then remained unemployed and fought the military for eight years, while I SUPPORTED HER GREEDY DEMANDS.

VIPERIZE ME SUMMARY AND CHAPTER LIST - UPDATED 10/10/11

What would you do if you lost everything you own in the world and every single person in it at the same time?

What if you found out the person closest to you betrayed you in a way that cannot be forgiven?·

I'M STOKED IF THERE'S MEAT FOR DINNER!

OMFG! I miss STEAK!

HOLY CRAP! The past five months have been one hell of a ride, huh?

My life has been a CLUSTER FUCK!

*GEEZ!*

TOUGH LOVE KILLS

Princess Go-Go Rach

Picture this:  to your absolute HORROR, you discover that your beloved teenager has *gasp* been using drugs or alcohol, or BOTH behind your back. 

WHAT ABOUT MY DAD?

Go-Go Rach, Age 5, First Day At School

Dear Dad,
 
I just want to let you know that I removed every single post that says anything negative about you from my blog.  I am so sorry for all of the bad stuff I ever said, thought and wrote about you in the past.  I was just really, really so stupid.  

DREAM CHECK FRIDAY FEBRUARY 25, 2011

Hello Fellow Dreamers!  How was your week?  Mine was alright.  I drove out to the Bay Area on Tuesday to stay with a friend from college while I collect myself after being bounced outta my mom's place.  I am still reeling from the experience and look forward to NEVER going through that shit again.  I still cannot believe she called the Las Vegas Police to the house.  UGH.

WISHES

Fuckin' A.  This Hurts.  So fucking much.  I just left my heart and mostly everything I own at my mother's house to drive to Oakland, where I will stay with a friend from college who I haven't seen in many many years.  Thank the universe I do not have to sleep on the streets tonight.  I feel broken.  I've been through a lot of shit, but this has gotta take the cake, I think.  Unless "God" has more in store for me.  Who the fuck knows?

HOMELESS

Well, guys.  It's official.  I am homeless.  

My mother has agreed to take care of Tolstoy and she says she will let me come back for him and my things.  I cannot go to my uncle's house in L.A. because his wife had emergency surgery.  So, I am sitting in a coffee shop weighing my options.  

I have none at the moment.  

I guess I can go to a shelter, but I am very scared of what that will be like.  I'm sure all of the Alcoholics Anonymous assholes are laughing at me now, but it has nothing to do with drinking, or not drinking.  Subscribing to THE CULT or not subscribing.

MY MOM IS AN EMOTIONAL TERRRORIST

My mother sent me an email today telling me that she will put gas in my car to check myself into the hospital, after I called her a CUNT to her face because I finally get that she has held me hostage to her EMOTIONAL TERRORISM my entire life.

The only good thing about being a jobless, homeless, penniless ORPHAN is that I no longer have to filter anything.  This will be first of several posts about the woman who created Go-Go Rach.

AA IS A BROKEN BAND AID

Houston, we have a problem!  Society is messed up.  I call myself a GEN-X Chick because I am exactly that.  I grew up in the 70's, post Vietnam, post all of the social movements of the sixties, including Civil Rights, The SECOND WAVE Feminism (there have been three waves so far, I plan to CAUSE THE FOURTH), Anti War, and Free Speech.

What do you think about how I turned out?

Pretty fucked up, huh?

SHOVE YOUR "SHOULD" UP YOUR ASS

The last conversation I had with my SPERM DONOR was in October of 2009.  As I detail in my post:  DEAR DADDY, he told me that I should have my shit together by now, since I am so brilliant and I earned my B.A. from Emerson College. Yes.  I should,  but I do not, since I have never had the tools necessary in order to make "having my shit together" a reality.

For example, I grew up without a father, family, or the roots so necessary to plant the tree that "should" be the basis for my success. 

THE CLEVELAND CURE 28 DAYS B.D.

There is no middle ground when you live in the City of Sin.  You either stay away from "the lifestyle" or you die a slow death in it.

The first time I moved to Vegas was when I ran there from Massachusetts,to get out of a  bad relationship and away from a crack habit that would not go away, in spite of going to another rehab, and lots of meetings. (*DOH* it never occurred to me that I could just STOP!)

I'm Grateful (Thanksgiving BONUS)

Okay, so I do not want to alarm you, but I have an announcement to make on this lovely Thanksgiving evening.  Brace yourself.  This may come as a big surprise.  Drum Roll Please.  Ahem.

Go-Go Rachness extends far beyond spewing hate, anger and wrath towards my nemesis' on this blog.

It's true.  I am also a loving, compassionate, loyal, trustworthy, responsible adult who is actually quite happy with my life, myself and the people I associate with.  In a word:  balance.

Fry Me Beautiful (Video)

This video was shot five years ago (I was 34) when Beth Fisher still worked as an anchor for Channel 3 in Las Vegas. She used to do a series every spring about Melanoma skin cancer to promote awareness about this deadly disease and to encourage people here in the desert to use sun protection. Of course, I was diagnosed right around this time and my mom called for her to interview me. In spite of my complete fear of video cameras, I agreed to do it in an effort to raise awareness about what happened to me.

Don't You Dare Blame it on my Momma!

The drive to Vegas took forever.  I had to stop a bunch of times to pee, eat and walk my Tolstoy who is getting old and has been through quite the trauma himself over the past few years.  We both need the love and support of the Momma for a few days. She always makes us feel better.  Yay for the Momma!

Someone I am close to recently was describing his concept of how it takes a community to raise a family.  I've never thought about it that way, but it sure seems to be true.  My Momma was stuck with raising my little brother and I all by herself, and I think the way my brother and I have turned out is evidence of a problem. I only speak frankly, so let's not sugar coat it. The two of us are substance abusers, me more so than him because I have always been open to experimentation. My brother despises hard drugs, and I believe that has saved him from the numerous jackpots I have got myself into (read about one of the majors here:  The Biggest Mistake of My Life )