Me. Alone. Sitting on my gorgeous (donated) bed, in my luxury condo-it's like an Italian Villa.
Finally. Everything is OKAY.
I'm settled into a beautiful condo, in the heart of San Diego, right where I want to be, with everything I need in order to get back on my feet and get on with LIVING THE DREAM.
Now WHAT?
I can never bring my BELOVED Tolstoy back.
Or my incredible book collection.
Or my material possessions.
Or my life-long wish that my "mother" would be...
Nor can I turn back time to the success I was seconds away from...
Yet.
I am free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I chose to do it with.
So.
Why haven't I?
Apparently, I have some major feelings to deal with.
For example, the loss of (nearly) EVERYTHING I owned and cared about in the world.
As you know, nothing hurt as much as the sudden death of my precious Tolstoy.
It's true.
Above all else, this tragedy is what finally melted the ice around my stone, cold heart and nearly pushed me over the edge of...
We won't go there.
I have too much to do.
The question is WHERE DO I START?
In my mind, I need to get to it, like, YESTERDAY.
I've got several books to write and money to give away.
LOTS OF IT.
F.Y.I.
Money means absolutely nothing to me, except in the instance of giving back to the people and organizations that SAVED MY ASS.
And, of course, I love how it guarantees FOOD, SHELTER, CLOTHING.
Praise GOD, I now have more than I need of EVERYTHING.
(I do have a draft entitled: MONEY MOTIVATES THE WORTHLESS, that I will polish and publish, one of these days!)
So.
First things FIRST.
DEAL WITH MY FEELINGS.
When I lost my only child (yes, Tolstoy was so much more than a dog to me), I was positively devastated. The last thing I needed to do was to relocate to another state immediately afterwards.
BUT.
I did.
I thought I would feel better in Sunny California.
And, I mistook a load of crap for solid plans.
Everything looked perfect from the other side of the country.
From Asheville, this state seemed to have a wealth of resources for people like me. I thought I did my research, yet was stunned to find ELEVEN year wait-lists to be standard for housing.
Also, due to my income, I am ineligible for food stamps, or any help worth the hoops I'd have to jump through to get it.
ELEVEN FREAKING YEARS? Are you kidding me?
Who the heck has that kind of time to wait?
Not ME (nor the poor, homeless, not living here - I will do my part).
What I do have is MONEY.
And, I am no longer afraid to spend it, since there will ALWAYS BE ENOUGH.
Pretty websites, and "friends" encouraged me to "just come home" (where have I heard that before?).
Neither panned out, so I was forced to do this ON MY OWN.
For the first time in my ENTIRE life, I bit the bullet, chin up, found a place, paid through the nose and now I am, comfortably, settled exactly how and where I want to be.
Among multiple lessons I've learned over the past few months is that I ALWAYS GET WHAT I NEED, whether it be a tent, or the LUXURY CONDO I live in now.
What I did not realize was how much I do to avoid my feelings (no, shit-dick, substance abuse is still in the past, when I was dumb enough to hang with the likes of *YOU*).
*AHEM*
Anyway.
Reality knocked me to my knees (or bed, truth be told).
My hair began to fall out and I became very, very sick with flu-like symptoms that won't go away.
On top of these lovelies, my body is emaciated, my mania is out of control and I finally hit an ALL TIME LOW when I used Von's delivery service (which is awesome, BTW).
Yep.
I have become Agoraphobic.
Something had to give.
That would be me.
Finally, a phone call from a friend, a long week-end spent in my awesome (donated) pajamas, in bed, where I bawled my eyes out, ate ice-cream, slept and GET THIS, allowed myself to become lost in the IDIOT BOX, made me feel better than I have in months.
Five days filled with all things disgusting to Go-Go Rach really lightened my emotional load! I'm kinda scared to put on my kid's size 13, since I am certain...well.
I need to put on some weight.
And shed some baggage.
So. I did.
And, here I am.
No longer homeless.
Or dependent.
NOW WHAT?
I'm *thrilled* to announce I AM EXCITED TO SEE!
Go-Go Rach has so much to DO!
'Till Next Time,
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