Hello Fellow Dreamers! How'sit?
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, in the company of family and close friends who treat you with respect, dignity and honor, as we all deserve.
My wish for anyone out there who is blessed with a community of people who love, support and encourage you, no matter what, is that you acknowledge your blessings, especially the people around you.
For the second year in a row, my Thanksgiving *ROCKED*!
Thank God I left A.A.
Not only am I infinitely more comfortable in my own skin, I have built friendships that will last a lifetime with amazing people who love and support each other without any strings attached
Do you know how good it feels to do what I want, not what I'm told will "keep me sober?"
My happiness mounts with every second not spent in THE CULT.
For the second year in a row, I did not miss the stone cold Thanksgiving smorgasbord served to members of the OB CULT (er club) house.
Believe me when I tell you, I am grateful that I never have to go back to that filthy room, or spend Thanksgiving with a bunch of sick, lonely thirteen stepping scum-bags or listen to the same people repeat the same stories ad nauseam ever again.
*HAPPY DANCE x a million!*
My Thanksgiving *ROCKED.*
The entire day was spent with "NORMIES," who have what I want and are willing and able to help me get it.
How great is that?
Even better, no one insulted me or my intelligence, tried to grab my ass or invaded my space to shove (more) unsolicited advice or food I did not ask for down my throat. I even said no thank you to dessert, without protest!
What a contrast from all the years I wasted in THE CULT!
Even better, I was allowed to enjoy wine with dinner without false concern or fear that my"relapse" could result in death by suicide instigated by depression or intense loneliness prevalent in the halls of twelve step programs during the holidays.
Praise the Universe, my depression left, as soon as I walked out of THE CULT. I ditched the labels and took my power BACK. No substance will ever take that away from me, unless I let it.
Now that I'm free, I spend my time with happy, successful people who have infinitely more on the ball than flimsy "sobriety."
At the end of the day, most people work hard, play hard and do what they want to DO.
Am I the only one who thinks it's weird that twelve step programs are obsessed with NOT DOING?
One lie, leads to another, THE CULT takes over, while you passively let life pass you by.
The program stole a lot from me.
My youth was commandeered by lunatics, while I ignored everything else, including the one and only opportunity I had to build relationships with my family, when they rallied around me, after the bank robbery.
Twenty three years later, I can see the mistakes I made.
First, I allowed THE CULT to dictate what I did with my time.
Second, I assumed my family was back for good.
Third, I never took the time necessary to earn their trust or forgiveness for taking my mom's side in a complicated situation that I was too young to understand.
Like a good drone, I put my desire to stay "sober" first.
Meetings, precarious friendships and that creepy, dyke counselor became the directors of my life.
Every minute of every day was filled with "recovery," which left zero time to spend with my estranged family, who did all they could to extend their support.
Why on earth did I not see this?
Even more concerning is that not a single person on my treatment team noticed that my community was right there, just waiting for me to get involved.
Meetings. Meetings. More meetings.
That was all that place cared about.
Rehab is for brainwashing people to believe they have an incurable disease that will kill them if they do not submit to Powerlessness, The Cult and whatever their sponsor demands. These places are money pits that will take your last dollar, if you let them.
Had anyone (including me) paid attention to what was going on, I could be part of a COMMUNITY right now.
Instead, I am alone, learning to live, love and make progress now that my life is half way over.
My years in Alcoholics Anonymous framed the darkest holidays of my life.
No matter where I went, time ticked by, while I stuffed myself with food to numb the insecurity and rage that fueled my incessant need to get and stay wasted.
The shit storm I recently survived, broke my rage down with humiliation, defeat and a new appreciation for the fulfillment of my needs.
My heart is just starting to heal from the painful things I experienced for nearly two years.
Now that I'm settled, it's time to build the community I long for.
Yesterday made for a fantastic start.
My roommate and I spent the day with his girlfriend's huge, Italian family, at an incredible house in Encinitas.
We ate a yummy, organic, home-cooked turkey dinner, with all the fix-ins, drank any beverage we wanted ( I enjoyed two glassed of red wine!), while we discussed a number of fascinating topics, including the state of society, business, study and play.
Not a single person got drunk (not even me, shit dick). No married men hit on me and nobody discussed failures of the past. Nor did we assault each other's privacy with invasive questions regarding personal business.
We ate, drank and merrily enjoyed each other, with gratitude for all life has to offer, when one has the courage to livelikeumeanit.
Here's to my second Thanksgiving in a row without drama, fights or negativity.
The entire day was filled with food, love and laughter,
OH YEAH. It's Dream Check Friday, huh?
As far as my goals for next week are concerned.
I have five things I need to do:
- Write, write and write some more.
- Get to the Gas Lamp for an important meeting.
- Work on building my store.
- Mail holiday cards.
- Meditate or do Yoga Five days in a row.
How about you? Do you have news to share? A new goal to accomplish?
Please click here to comment or to list your goals for next week.
Together, we can accomplish anything!
By the way, if you were one of the folks who came by to read my Thanksgiving post, I removed it for revisions. I'll put it back up in a few days.
'Till Next Time,
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