I GET MY CAKE AND I EAT IT

THE CULT CAN EAT MY BUSH!

So, yeah.  I am NOT SOBER.  One of the reasons I FAILED in THE CULT is because I NEVER WANTED TO BE SOBER.  SOBRIETY IS BORING TO ME.  I just wanted the fucking jackpots to STOP.  The only way that was gonna happen for me was to get REAL.

REALITY is that no one, no matter who you are, can party all the time AND be successful.  It ain't gonna happen.  No matter how much cash, freedom, power, or influence ya got.  END OF STORY.

I do what I want, when I want, with whomever I WANT.  I need my pot.  It helps me with depression.  I like to drink. Sometimes, during the most special of occasions and, on even more rare, I may take a mood altering substance often found at RAVES. 

What about it?

NUNYA. 

YEAH.

It's fun as hell.

Life is short.

My life is MINE.

I firmly believe in self medication.

And, sometimes, I just want to PARTY like the *ROCK STAR* I AM!

Do I get WASTED?

NEVER.

Do I do it EVERY DAY?

NO.

Do I WANT TO?

Sometimes.  But, I want to be successful WAY MORE.  Just like staying fit ain't gonna happen if I eat whatever I want ALL the time, success will never come to ANYONE who abuses themselves in any way, with any thing.

Especially:  FOOD, DRUGS or BOOZE.

When I ditched THE CULT, I ditched all of the LABELS.  Alcoholic, addict, POWERLESS, "DISEASE."  KISS MY ASS.  These are fucking lies.   I am telling you now.  REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT!

These terms were created by THE CULT and sold to the medical community for the BENEFIT OF THE TREATMENT CARTEL.  All of it is BULL SHIT.

You wanna know how I know?

Because I LIVE IT.

I do what I want, when I want, with WHOMEVER I choose to do it with!  End of story.  This is my fucking life and I am the one who is gonna have to remember it, when I am old and in a wheel chair.  SOBRIETY IS BORING AS HELL TO ME.  YUP.  I said it.

There is nothing like going to a club, getting a buzz on and dancing my ass off all night.  I LOVE IT!

AGAIN, this is one of the MAJOR reasons why I never made it in THE CULT.  I never, ever wanted to stay sober. 

I just wanted the jack pots TO STOP.

How does that happen?

First of all, I had to stop living my past mistakes on a daily basis in meetings.

Second of all, I had to STOP going to SICK people for advice.

NO matter how long a person has been sober in THE TWELVE STEP CULT, they are NOT WELL.

Avoidance of a PROBLEM ain't nothing to brag about.

DEALING with a problem is.  I dealt with my self esteem issues and my fear of abandonment.  I do not abuse substances to deal with my FEELINGS ANYMORE.

I don't need to.

I experience FEELINGS and I use substances whenever I CHOOSE TO.

Don't ask me when the last time I used was, what or how much, because that is none of your business! I have NO PROBLEM telling ya MIND YOUR OWN.

I am GROWN.  I pay my own consequences.  NOT YOU.  I don't want or NEED your approval or permission for any reason.

EVER.

SORRY (NOT).

Don't try to manipulate me with your "CONCERN"  because that is ALL about YOU and what YOU WANT!  Save your opinions for someone who is interested. I AM NOT.  I've lived long enough to have a crystal clear understanding that opinions are like ASS HOLES, every one has one.

MINE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS when it comes to ME.  GET IT?

While we are on the subject of "CONCERN" I  might as well tell you that if this world is a regular from your lips, you have NO IDEA what it feels like, or means to have authentic concern. Please look this word up.

Maybe you'll learn how to focus on YOURSELF and to stop trying to CONTROL other people.  Make a decision based on REALITY, will YA? 

How GREAT is my LIFE?  I do my thing and I NEVER HAVE TO GO BACK TO REHAB or THE CULT again!  I am in CHARGE.  That's RIGHT.  WE ALL ARE.  If you are having a problem managing substances, you don't have to end up in JAIL, DEAD or in an INSTITUTION.

THAT IS CULT DECEPTION.

You can just STOP, until you deal with what is bothering you.  Then, go back to what you want to do when you FEEL BETTER and will be able to do it responsibly.  

Don't "GET SOBER."

GET AUTHENTIC HELP.

I promise, you will get WELL. 

YUP.  I SAID THAT.  

I am going through a HARD ASS time right now. I am staying pretty much sober (except my weed) because I know I MAY OVER DO IT,  while I am very upset.

THIS IS WHAT GROWN UP FOLKS, who want to be SUCCESSFUL, DO!  *DOH*

Would it FEEL GOOD to stay fucked up right now? 

ABSOLUTELY!  

Are feelings gonna make me successful? 

NOPE.  

It takes ACTION.

I am gonna take care of myself, with a clear head for as long as it takes to get back on my feet.  

I LOVE ME.

I WANT WHAT IS BEST FOR ME.

The truth is, no one else is ever gonna do it for me.

Even better, *I DO NOT WANT ANYONE TO.*

Thanks anyway, but I am grown.

What I do is MY BUSINESS and I WANT A GOOD BUSINESS.

*GET ME?*

When my sponsor attacked me, I walked away from THE CULT and left the dysfunctional people behind.  I said to myself, I am fucking miserable.  I would rather DRINK, so I DID!  MAGIC happened!

I got freaking wasted AND realized, I do not LIKE IT!  The reason is because I feel like SHIT all day after AND I cannot get the things done that I need to do in order to be a SUCCESSFUL person.

*NO ONE can be successful and party twenty four seven.*

If you are doing that, you have passed on success.

THIS IS A FACT, not a DISEASE.

Welcome to HUMANITY. 

SUCCESS WILL NEVER HAPPEN as long as you continue to get high or drunk or stuff your face with more junk to deal with how you FEEL!

For the love of "GOD,"  PLEASE STOP WHINING ABOUT IT!

AND, will you get the fuck off THE IDIOT BOX? 

Wake UP.

This fact is true for EVERY HUMAN ON THE PLANET!  

It has nothing to do with being an alcoholic or an addict, powerless or "diseased."  It has to do with being IMMATURE, not having any desire to succeed or a BELIEF that you can't succeed.

My problem was MOSTLY the latter, which AMAZINGLY disappeared as soon as I LEFT THE CULT.

WHAT'S YOURS?

ASK WHY?

Then, DEAL WITH IT. 

We live OUR OWN LIVES. We decide WHAT WE WANT.  

Some people like partying more than being successful.  

It is what it is.

WHO ARE YOU?

LEARN. BE. LOVE. ACCEPT THE MAGIC THAT IS YOU!

Please be responsible, people!

NEVER, EVER DRIVE HIGH OR DRUNK.  

Unless you want to be arrested, or kill someone, I strongly suggest a sober ride.  I don't like the PIGS.  And, I do not want to hurt anyone due to  being impaired. 

So, guess what?

I GET A RIDE!

I do that because I feel good about myself.  I take care to be *SAFE.*

That's WHAT successful adults do.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

If you're struggling, here's a great question to ask yourself: How do I want to live my life?

Heads up, folks.  POWERLESSNESS IS A FEELING. 

Kids act on their feelings. 

Adults act on what's RIGHT and RESPONSIBLE. 

Twelve Step Programs ARE A CULT.  That is why new members REQUIRED to attend at least one meeting a day for three full months!. You need that amount of time to be BRAINWASHED.

*blink*

YEAH. I had no idea, either.

That is, until I left the Dogma and LIES behind.

One thing I have realized over the past year is there are just certain things a human being should NEVER DO.

1. Heroin (can you say hospital stay to get off one boring drug?)
2. Cocaine (unless you like feeling frustrated within minutes by something that has the power to empty your bank account, while you remain too fucked up to function.)
3. Drink in the morning, or all the time (i.e. DRUNKTARDS) inevitably ends in tragedy or the hospital with the DT's - no way around this fact, sorry!
4. Abuse PILLS.(gnarly chemicals that could lead to death)

You could put a pile of coke in front of me and I won't touch it. I hate the feeling it brings that much! Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.  I know that high is not manageable for anyone, even a self-actualized escapee, like me.

It never will be.

Life is short. I say do what you want. Just be responsible, people. 

PLAN AHEAD. 

Don't do stupid shit, unless you are willing to pay the consequences.

Some people are.

I 'M NOT!

Now that I left THE CULT, I know I don't HAVE TO.

If you are abusing yourself with substances, ask yourself WHY?   Why are you drinking in the morning, doing coke, or anything else all the time?

What is makes you so miserable that you are willing to pass on what you want out of life?

For me it was that I was shoved into THE CULT at the age of 17, when I wasn't old enough or mature enough to make my own decisions.  I went every day forever and was convinced I was POWERLESS over substances, my choices and my LIFE.

That is BULL SHIT.  Powerlessness is a FEELING that we can gain control over, if we want to.  I DID.  I changed my mind, which CHANGED MY LIFE!

THE CULT had me convinced I had to be sober because I couldn't help drinking, drugging myself to death due to the fact that I had a "disease," according to THEM.  The fact of the matter is that I can choose what happens with my body.

THEY ARE LIARS.

When I was in THE CULT, I believed everything they said. Every time I relapsed, I'd abuse myself with a vengeance in preparation for my inevitable return to jails, institutions or death. My substance abuse was out of control because I thought I had no choice in the matter.

I bought into the propaganda I was fed by THE CULT until my life became so miserable, that I just wanted to stay fucked up until I died.  Like many CULT VICTIMS, I would rather die than keep on living the life I felt stuck with. 

Is that how you feel? If so, I encourage you to take a break from whatever 12 Step program you're in. Do it long enough to get your mind back on track, then see how you feel. Do yourself a favor, take the labels out of the equation. See what you learn about yourself.

You'll be amazed.

I know I was amazed to discover my power of choice.

It's close to a year for me and I've yet to have a single jackpot because I changed my mind.

Those things WILL come if you abuse your body with substances.  THAT IS A NO BRAINER.  If you want a good life, you gotta stop abusing substances.  PERIOD.  You cannot have both.

Again, if you want to abuse substances, just know, you are choosing a shitty life and GO ON WITH YOUR BAD SELF.

As long as it makes you happy, who the fuck cares?  It is your life.  Yeah.  IT IS.  Decide what you want and GO FOR IT.  No one else is gonna do it for ya.  THEY CAN'T.  It is up to YOU.  YOU ALONE.  Again, I ask you, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Jails, institutions or death IS A CHOICE.  DECIDE.

I know what I want.  I GET MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO.  Responsibly.

Stay away from THE CULT.  They LIE.  They will have you so fucked up, you won't know what you are doing, or what you want to do.

Take a break.

Listen to yourself.

GROW UP.

P.S.  A big glass of water with SUGAR FREE electrolytes and two of my favorite over the counter pain killers before bed keeps me hang over FREE and productive.

Until NEXT TIME.