Someone I know from AA had this to say to me tonight via email:
"(I) think you're not real happy with some of the A.A. people, hope I'm not one of them, but I think you know that's not really cool."
I wrote a letter in response to him that I have decided to make a blanket statement to all of my "friends" in AA.
To All of the People Whom I Met While I Was In The Various Halls of Twelve Step Programs:
Sobriety...eh. I'm over it. My sponsor attacking me was the final straw. I will never be coming back to the program, in fact I HOPE TO DESTROY IT. My life there was truly *AWFUL.* I'd rather be dead. I am not alone in my experience and I want to help people get better in a way that works. AA doesn't. Take a look at the THE NUMBERS HERE (ORANGE PAPERS).
Since I left AA, well over a year ago, I've taken a strong look at myself and my life. I have come to the conclusion that POWERLESSNESS IS A LIE and a way for me (and others) to escape responsibility for myself, my life and my emotions, which is a cop out for children, foolish for grown ups AND DEFINITELY NOT FOR ME.
Grown ups know what they want and how to get it. A lot of times, we gotta say no to what we want to do very badly. It's not always easy, but GROWN UPS DO IT. I want to be a successful person. Getting and staying wasted will never get me there, so I don't do it. "God" has nothing to do with it, AA has nothing to do with it, being liked and popular has nothing to do with it with. Getting REAL has everything to do with it.
As far as Twelve Step Programs, I will be frank with you. I spent TWENTY ONE YEARS in and out of the rooms, failing because I was brainwashed to believe in the bullshit (Powerlessness) that program promotes by some of the sickest people on the planet (NOT SAYING YOU-unless you show me that or have shown it to me).
We all agree that emotional development STOPS as soon as we start abusing ourselves with substances (food included), so Twelve Step programs are populated with a bunch of immature, irresponsible children hiding in grown-up bodies who are pushing an unrealistic ideal based on DOGMA. I spent twenty one years of my life, confused and unhappy because I could not succeed at anything while I tried to get sober the AA way.
Like a lot of people who have sought support for compulsive behavior, I was nearly pushed over the edge by members who are encouraged to perform a function they are ill equipped to handle, regardless of HOW LONG THEY HAVE REMAINED "SOBER" (or may claim to be, in A LOT of cases).
I do not believe a break in abstinence has to result in jails, institutions or death. It sickens me that people are encouraged to staple this LIE to their hearts in the program. These horrors become reality for those who "relapse" in the program FAR TOO OFTEN, as a result of Twelve Step brainwashing.
I do not believe it is healthy or necessary to shame or ostracize a person who is struggling with their decision to stay clean. Personally, I think this method is sick and only appropriate when a person is training to be in the military.
Finally, I think Twelve Step Programs are a a tragedy that has been shoved down the throats of way too many victims of our own choices (e.g. not growing the hell up). Society has no clue there are other options, so this program is promoted because we are DESPERATE for a cure for addiction. ________ Anonymous is not the answer or cure for this problem. Twelve Step Programs fail because they SUCK. This will remain my opinion.
I'm sorry to offend your sensibilities. I have been there, done that on and off for TWENTY ONE YEARS. I saw it with my own eyes. I know what I am talking about.
*HERE ARE THE FACTS*
*People are killing themselves (SEE ABOUT THIS BLOG under my blog title: LIVING THE DREAM)
*People are going to jail (Why do we continue to waste our shrinking American dollar constructing MORE prisons to house "addicts"? ).
*People are stuck in an immature emotional states (look it up, or maybe in the mirror?)
*People are stuck in an immature emotional states (look it up, or maybe in the mirror?)
*People are being taken advantage of and robbed by people they meet in Twelve Step Groups.
***I've been molested (1989), stolen from (1992), physically assaulted (2009) and ostracized (2006-2009) by members of 12-step programs.
Facts are facts. Twelve Step programs have a 97% FAILURE RATE (ain't nothing to brag about, yet strangely, 12 Stop programs tout this as some sort of challenge to keep folks there?).
Again, POWERLESSNESS IS A LIE THAT DOESN'T work for me and A TON of other people who where fortunate enough get out of that CULT alive!
If you where my friend in AA, I would like for us to be friends now, but you have to be able to respect the fact that I am a grown woman who makes my own choices, in spite of what others may like, or dislike. I promise, if we remain friends, I will return the same courtesy.
I realize this is a lot to swallow, and you may feel angry and defensive right now.
I'm way too focused on building my success to be bothered to try to make friends with people who do not know how. I've wasted way too much time and energy on that. I'm done.
So, the ball is in your court. Let me know what you decide. In the meantime, please know that I am still gonna build my future on spreading my thoughts and opinions as a victim of what I believe, with every fiber of my being, to be a DANGEROUS CULT that should to be illegal.
If you can deal with this, great, if not, I wish you the best in your future.
Warmest Regards,
Rachel G.