Sunday, May 15, 2011


Enjoy another laugh at my expense.
My life is totally fucked.  As bad as it could get.  Now I am stuck in the middle of Las Vegas, without a way to get to the store to buy water, food, or anything else I need because I am STUPID.

The kindness of a stranger, MY ASS.  Dominick's invitation for me to come to Vegas to get back on my feet had NOTHING to do with me.  It was all about his fantasy that Go-Go Rach may be the woman he was so desperate for to complete his "life."  When he *got it* would NEVER HAPPEN, he turned into a bitch on wheels who couldn't stop yelling at me, so I had to bounce.

Of course, this was after I picked up Tolstoy and more stuff from CUNTESSA'S house, with the expectation that SOMEONE would actually be able and willing to come through on their word to me.  No strings attached, was lost on Dominick, as it always is when someone like me is in a vulnerable, desperate situation.


You could say "I got lucky"  because I met two great people through Dominick, who offered a summer sublet of their roommate's room, since he is out of town.  My roommates are *AWESOME.*  I have a place to crash, as long as I can pay the rent, which continues to go up, as my income dwindles.

So, I'm stuck in a place I hate, with no friends, very little money, no transportation and no way to leave the house, EVER.

On top of all of this fabulousness, my knee is FUCKED UP.  It hurts so much that I've got to keep it elevated all the time.  So, I am disabled in every possible way there is.

Thoughts of suicide are more difficult to manage, when you cannot move.

These are the consequence of another stupid decision on my part to trust a person I don't know, since the people I DO KNOW have turned their backs on me.

When will I wake the fuck up?

I am ALONE in the world with nobody to help or take care of me.

AND.  I have proven over and over that I cannot take care of myself.

The next loss on my list will be my beloved Tolstoy, when the shelter becomes my only option again.  No shelter in the country will take me in with a dog.  He is the only *TRUE* love I've ever known.  I WILL DIE FIRST.

I should have stayed in the shelter in Oakland, when Tolstoy was with my Mom and I had a manageable amount of stuff to carry.  This is the only place for the UNWANTED who have NO ONE.  I might be settled into my own place by now.

Instead, I'm trapped like an ANIMAL.

My mom wants me DEAD and continues to do ALL SHE CAN to hurt me, so no, she won't take my dog.

I trusted a STRANGER.

Now I am FUCKED.

How stupid could I be? 

If there is a next time,