The one thing I know without a shadow of a doubt is the fact I’ve been a victim of domestic abuse all of my life. If you replace the male role in the above with CUNTESSA, every single word, INCLUDING SEXUAL ABUSE ranging from her allowing her live-in boyfriend to. STICK HIS FUCKING TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT during the same time I taught myself how to swim in the Atlantic Ocean ALONE AT FOUR YEARS OLD, to her mocking my LONG GONE ENJOYMENT OF MY NOW NON-EXISTENT SEX LIFE.
This last round with her was such a fucking nightmare. I never wanted to see her again. I’M GRATEFUL TO KNOW I’LL NEVER HAVE TO, not even in court. PRAISE “GOD.”
She ticked every box in the cycle of abuse outlined above.
One of my brother’s friends used me for sex and she JUST HAD TO BRING IT UP, as if I’m not RAW AS HAMBURGER. Fuck that douche and HER. I hope she gets to spend her GOLDEN YEARS BEHIND BARS, as she ought to have been MANY TIMES.
She THINKS this blog is about her. NOT EVER. It’s actually ABOUT ME AND WHAT I’VE GONE THROUGH BECAUSE OF HER. She thinks you guys know who she is, AS IF YOU GIVE A Fuck ABOUT HER?
Nobody does.
That’s why nobody cares about me.
She was so nice on the phone. She half-assed got me there, then used me as a punching bag, since the others in her life are precious COMMODITIES WHOM she’s really nice to, since SHE IS WAITING TO GET SOMETHING FROM THEM.
I’m so excited to turn my entire life over to a stranger who’s DOING WHAT MY FAMILY COULD, WOULD AND SHOULD HAVE DONE, if I WASN’T EVER LOYAL TO HER. I have no choice. I’ve been forced to choose one predator over the other. I’d prefer a large, volatile man who, hopefully, will kill me, over THE FUCKING “SYSTEM” any day of the week.
“God-Speed.”
I’ve tried to do it myself FOR YEARS, but no amount of vodka could make that happen. I’m also afraid to be stuck in hell, even though that IS ALL MY LIFE HAS BEEN SINCE THE LAST TIME I SAW HER. Man, I AM FUCKING STUPID.
She isolated me from my family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, accomplishments, AND, SHE DESTROYED MY GOALS ALL OF MY LIFE.
She used coercive control from the time she learned about “TOUGH LOVE.” She stole my education by dragging me from place to place THIRTY SEVEN TIMES BEFORE I WAS A SOPHOMORE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
SHE MADE FUN OF ME FOR BEING “stupid” instead of helping me get meds for ADHD (THE ONLY REASON I’D EVER USED STIMULANTS AND NEVER WILL AGAIN-self medication IS A THING) when the school sent me for testing at seven.
She berated me for “COSTING THREE-FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS” when my wisdom teeth came in at sixteen.
I quit school TO BE FREE OF THAT AND HER AS SOON AS I EARNED MY FIRST DOLLAR.
My blood still thinks I did it for drugs.
I’ve NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR DRUGS, aside from the one time I’d bent over and wound up pregnant, forced to have an abortion I’M AGAINST.
I was starved out of my job at the finest restaurant in San Diego by someone I’d loved who made my non-welcome crystal clear. It hurt so much, I needed to be numb. I’ve often wondered what might be of my life, had I chose birth instead of murder.
The abortion, was, of course, botched by the idiot doctors. I was bleeding through a maxi pad every three minutes.
My mother forced me to take the bus to an emergency DNC, since, she said, “I HAD TO GO TO WORK THE DAY AFTER MY ABORTIONS.”
I could have bled out, but WHAT THE Fuck DID SHE CARE? She convinced my brother to help her kick me out around the same time, based ON LIES.
This CRIMINAL GETS AWAY WITH EVERYTHING-fake social security numbers, hot checks, massive theft, V.A. Fraud, etc. SHE HATES ME AND WANTS ME DEAD. WHY the Fuck hasn’t she SHOT ME, as I WISH SHE WOULD.
THAT MIGHT REQUIRE
MICROCOSM OF KINDNESS
SHE’LL NEVER POSSESS.
It was so cool to come home from a hard days work to find myself locked out of my own apartment by people sitting on MY COUCH WITH MY DOG ON THEIR LAP.
Fortunately, San Diego has laws to protect people from that shit. My “God” do I wish ANYWHERE ELSE DID.
HER COERCION AND THREATS KEEP ME FROM TRUSTING A MOTHER-FUCKING THING anyone does or says.
Her actions MADE ME HATE LIFE.
She used intimidation.
She put me down ALL OF LIFE.
She went out of her way to make me feel bad about myself.
When that didn’t work, SHE USED HER LOSER FRIENDS AND MY OWN TO DO IT.
She gas lit me.
She played mind games.
She’s humiliated me over and over.
She’s always:
Minimized, blamed and denied MY EVERY WANT AND NEED, while stealing any hope I’d ever had.
Everything is, supposedly, MY FAULT.
How could that be, since SHE HAS PREVENTED ME FROM DOING ANYTHING AT ALL WITH MY LIFE, especially things that might lift me up?
She ruined EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP I’D EVER TRIED TO HAVE.
She couldn’t even allow me to escape homelessness SHE CAUSED OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
She convinced me to leave my clothes, doctors, apartment-“I’ve got PLENTY OF MONEY. I have that here. I’ll get that for you. There are tons of doctors here. You can get your glasses. “I’ll help you!”
“COME HOME.”
Where I was completely isolated from everything, including MY OWN FUCKING MAIL SHE IS CURRENTLY HOLDING ON TO OR TOSSED AWAY JUST LIKE HER KIDS AND GRAND-BABY.
It was so great to walk into her filthy, unpacked dump to find my once cherished things dug through and sorted to suit her. She claimed to “feel bad:”
She treated me like a slave ALL OF MY LIFE. I thought we’d gotten past all that shit, until she became enraged over my defense of my brother and his girlfriend and my nephew, whom “You’re NEVER GONNA MEET,” thanks to her.
The TENSION BEGAN AS SOON AS SHE’D REALIZED HER FIRST GOAL.
I thought MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, she’d be different. Maybe, just maybe, she might take an interest in ME AND MY NEEDS. I thought, maybe, just maybe, I could convince her to let my brother be he and me be me.
She mocked my illness. She practically strangled her new pug to keep him away from me, even though HE LOVED ME AND DESPERATELY WANTED TO COMFORT ME THROUGH HER ABUSE.
She got rid of the rest of my family the exact same way she did my brother when she conned me out of my graduation walk at Emerson for Vegas, where she lived on MY DIME FOR EIGHT FUCKING YEARS, as she sat on her ass and robbed REAL VETERAN’S AND ME.
The difference this time is I’M GROWN. I’m not going to engage. I also DESPERATELY NEED A SAFE PLACE TO STAY.
I’m also not afraid of a fucking thing, besides dying a bottom-feeder’s paycheck. I QUIT THAT BEFORE HER, but still, SHE HAD TO MAKE SURE I COULDN’T MOVE FORWARD.
She’d been stalking me on line all of these years, then pounced when she heard how horrid I was doing, AS IF WHAT? What the fuck did she want?
A PUNCHING BAG.
As usual.
She was “horrified” by how ugly I am now. She sent me to my room, as if I am a kid.
She pretended to give me back my stuff.
She said she planned to buy me another pug.
She then called me names, including my favorite, “CUNT.”.
She talked down to me.
She made fun of me.
She also lied to the police about me AGAIN.
She is so good at being phony, it MAKES ME SICK, literally., just as she LOVES ME TO BE.
I spent a fortune on food I had to leave behind to rot, just like her and all of the years of filth she hoards, as if.
She’ll ever have a life.
She let me out three times. I’ve been unable to secure care in Florida until I got to Daytona, where I’m going to run out of the meds that keep me stable.
She has no intention of helping anything, besides her need to control her DECEIT.
I’m not the one.
Trust me.
She should have left well enough alone.
This IS REPEAT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
Even though the cops in her area are STUPID, doesn’t mean everyone is.
I’m moving into a luxury apartment with absolutely nothing and nobody, aside from a man who’s doing what my family OUGHT TO DO, yet refused all of my life because of her.
I cannot even care if this works out.
I just want to be safe, inside, even if I live on the floor, WITH NOTHING.
My mother is too lame and weak to actually HIT
me anymore. Like the scumbag she is, SHE USES THE COPS AND HER MADE-UP THIRTY YEARS LATER (from MY HOUSE SHE DESTROYED WHEN SHE USED ME AND MY BOYFRIEND’S family in college) “disabled veteran’s” status soon to be gone forever.
Thanks so much, “MOM.”
STAY TUNED.
