|Three days, two nights, twenty plus miles hiking through the A.T. with members of Haywood Street Congregation.|
Looking back, I must tell you I regret ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
My decision to stand up to Cuntessa, THE CULT, naysayers…has brought the greatest joy of my life.
I AM ONE HUNDRED PERCENT FREE.
I know who I am.
I know WHAT I WANT.
I KNOW I WILL GET THERE.
I have no doubt in my mind that I was put on this earth to serve ONE PURPOSE:
*CHANGE THE WORLD.*
*AND, I AM*
One mislabled human being at a time.
I’ve already made a great start, don’t you think?
Now that I am close to 90k hits, I'd say, OF COURSE YOU DO!
Obviously, my blog's popularity continues to grow.
Everyone loves Go-Go Rach!
I am undeniably CORRECT in my experience, opinion and decision to stop the chronic, redundant abuse that comes to any and all people subjected to 12 Step Dogma and LIES.
As strong as I’ve always been – a survivor, I, apparently, had a whole lot of work to do.
It takes a special person to fulfill my God-Given PURPOSE. I am the CHOSEN ONE; however, it also takes a strength of character that I lacked when I started this project. I need fortitude, grace, elegance and the ability to speak to people in a way in which I will be heard and respected.
I'm getting there...
Do you guys remember that tongue in cheek post I wrote about the young man I met and made fun of in the Welfare office at San Francisco for his prayers?
If not, here is a link: I AM THE POST MODERN JOB.
Now that I look back, I know he was a messenger whom I will always remember with great appreciation and fondness for an honest attempt to let me know what I was in for.
Of course, I did not believe him when he said, “You will go through absolute HELL, if you are meant to change the world...It will get BAD. Scary. Ugly…." Every one of these adjectives seem weak after the utter ass-kicking I’ve received in nearly three years.
Apparently, I needed it. I got it. GOOD.
My perspective on a whole lot of things has changed, especially regarding God.
HE has been trying to get my attention FOR YEARS.
At last, we've become friends.
God and I have some pretty amazing conversations since I finally opened up to the possibility that there is something greater on this planet than the all mighty ME.
Now that I've lost everything TWICE, I've come to depend on what God tells me to do.
Get this. HE actually SPEAKS TO ME.
And, having lost everything in my life, I have nothing but time to LISTEN.
Here's how it works, for reals.
Every morning, I sit quietly with my Bible. I humbly thank HIM for every single lesson I've learned in my life, particularly those garnered through hardships.
Then, I ask what HE wants to tell me. I accept his answer through my Bible, that I allow to open where it may.
The other day I was feeling particularly sad about how I lost everything a second time. Also, I was missing my laptop, life in California, and deeply grieving my beloved, Tolstoy.
My heart was heavy. I'll admit, I was bawling my big, blue eyes out AGAIN.
I've learned to ask HIM to help me to deal with pretty much everything these days, since I really have no effing clue anymore.
Per usual, I asked Him to please speak to me. I hoped for some sort of solace that might make me understand or at least assist me in the arduous task of ACCEPTING ALL I'VE BEEN THROUGH.
I really, really need to MOVE ON.
His WORD opened to Corinthians 1, which kind of surprised me, since I know it to be where Paul compares the Christian faith to that of Athletes in Rome.
I was like, “huh?” REALLY? I almost turned the page…yet, I have learned the hardest of ways to SUBMIT.
Fine, I thought. I will read it, but I wondered if God was telling me to join the roller derby team, I've been considering for weeks.
SILLY, SILLY ME.
When my eyes where directed to verse 27, I was hit hard.
NKJV 1 Corinthians 9:27
"But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified."
I guessed this had nothing to do with Roller Derby.
Sadly, I am well aware of the mockery I've made of myself and my life with gratutious expoitation of my own ignorance and absurdity as of late.
Some example of a successful escapee I have become...EPIC EYE ROLL.
As if I did not already know...HIMSELF had to come right out and tell me.
At least it was in a peaceful, dignified way...I have been silenced because I am on the bench.
*FOR THE MOMENT*
While, I finally get my SHIT TOGETHER.
It's about freaking time.
THANK YOU GOD!
Hey, at least I am still IN THE GAME.
I AM THE GAME.
And, I will be back.
For now, I am on time-out, while I clean up my act, take it all in and let GO.
It happens to the best of us.
YA CANNOT TRUST THEM STEPPERS will be be published on 1/14/14, the day after my final, CRIMINAL COURT DATE, where I will spill every ugly bean.
In the meantime, I will most likely publish a few DCF posts and my well-missed NYE gratitude list!
Until then, MAD LOVE & STUFF!
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